If I had to pick one, and quite possibly the biggest, roadblock on my own spiritual journey, I’d have to confess it’s me. I truly think I caused my journey to be disrupted several times due to my own skepticism, self doubt and fear. I alone have caused my journey to be quite a bumpy rollercoaster of a ride.
I’ve known I was different since a very young age. While many had to face this alone, I was so fortunate to have a grandmother that recognized my abilities and was there to guide me. I wish I could say I listened to her and allowed her to guide me through my journey, but that would only be a half truth. I was scared of things that happened and embarrassed my friends would think I was weird, so I fought it as hard as I could and refused to accept this could happen to me. True, I loved Grams so much, followed her around, dressed like her, and wanted to be like her, but just without her abilities. When strange and crazy things happened, she was always there to explain it. I would cry and tell her I didn’t want dead people talking to me, only to have her tell me how special I was to have them want to visit with me to pass on messages to their loved ones still here. While I might want to know if I was going to be a rock star when I grew up, I didn’t really want to know what was going to happen to other people and please don’t let it be anything bad. She would explain how I could help them by letting them know what to expect so they could make the right choices. Nope, that didn’t help me; let someone else have these messages to deliver, I just didn’t want to it to be me. My mom passed away when I was only eight and it really threw me into a spin. I was mad at her for leaving me, but even madder at GOD because I couldn’t understand how he could be so mean to take her when he knew I needed her. Again it was my Grams that finally got through to me and made me realize GOD wasn’t being mean to me and there was always a reason behind what he did. In my early teens I finally realized she was right, he wasn’t being mean to me, but instead saving my mom from a life of pain. I apologized to him and thanked him for taking good care of my mom.
In my late teens and early twenties, I finally accepted it wasn’t going away and it was time for me to embrace it and learn to work with it to help others. Then came my skepticism and self doubt era. I was giving readings but began to doubt if the message I was giving was real or just my own thoughts of what I wanted for the client. I was fortunate to find a mentor to help me overcome my self doubt and teach me to give better readings.
I still continue on my journey, reading, researching, and learning more every day. There are still times I doubt myself, but I work at getting through those rough spots and try to come out with more understanding of myself and my abilities.
This is just a little of how I’ve stumbled through my journey and I hope you’ll share your own struggles.
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